New Back Brace

It took 3 years, but I finally convinced my orthopedist to order me a custom back brace. I have a rare type of scoliosis, very flexible with a teenage onset and that continues to progress even as an adult. My specialist at Hopkins suggested bracing me 3 years ago to see if that had an affect on the progression, but my local docs always insisted on an off-the-shelf, one-size-fits-all corset brace. News flash: Men don’t have hips, but some women do and a brace that doesn’t flair at the hips isn’t going to fit such a woman. (You’d be surprised at how often [male] doctors tried to convince me that male and female bodies are actually the same.) Since these braces invariably slid off my hips and up my chest every day, I quit wearing them and my scoliosis kept progressing.

Anyway, my local, politically incorrect ortho wrote me a Rx last month for my very own custom, plastic back brace. Have you ever had one made? It involves wearing a skin tight, t-shirt material halter dress, which might be sexy if 1) it wasn’t totally see-through and 2) I had my pre-baby body of 5 years ago. So now that I’m feeling a smidgen awkward, two people come in and start wrapping me in strips of fiberglass, like I’m a giant 5th grade papier-mâché project. They were really nice about it though (mostly just glad I wasn’t a squirmy 5 year old or unconscious, the latter of which apparently happens from time to time since they wrap you really tightly).

This is me without my brace (curve: 40 degrees):

This is me once I’m braced.
It goes over the tank top and under my shirt.

Added benefit of the brace? “You won’t be able to eat those extra French-fries without loosening it up,” my doctor told me. He’s a winner, that one.

Now, I have a habit of naming things, and I think this brace needs a name. It also needs to be a masculine name because, as my friend Danielle put it, “He’ll be squeezing you tight and with you more than a stalker! He’s always got your back, and, just like a man, he is helping you feel good in the long run, but sometimes gets in the way and doesn’t look flattering with your sexy, slinky dress.

Wonderful readers, I need your help choosing a name! So far all I can think of is Hugh (yum!) or The Situation (tell me you get the joke!). Please leave your suggestion for a name (or vote for one of those two) in the comments and I’ll choose a name in the next few days. I don’t really have any fancy prizes to offer, but if I choose your suggestion, I’ll link up to your blog if you’ve got one!

Below you’ll find some pictures of said super-sexy brace. He felt the need to show you just how awesome having a brace can be.



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16 responses to “New Back Brace

  1. maya-i dont have a name for you but those pictures of your brace are HILARIOUS!!!! u are a crack up! 🙂

  2. Those pictures are a hoot! I was trying to think of a name but I couldn’t come up with something funny and cute!

  3. Caitlyn

    I vote for Hugh, because it reminds me of a sexy British man.

  4. PLEASE name it “the situation” – please! That is TOO hilarious!! I’ll do a little fist pump for you 🙂

  5. That’s hilarious! I thought our little monkey Curious George did some crazy things, but seeing a back brace on a slide and sliding down a pole takes the cake! lol I’ll have to think about my nomination for his name and come back later to comment on that. I’ve got a lot to think about!

  6. How ’bout Beckham or David Beckham? You know, Bend It Like Beckham? You could say that he’s bending or bracing your back into an upright position. I may come up with something else. We’ll see.

  7. The Brace-inator. (FYI: You have to say it with an Arnold Schwarzenegger accent.)

  8. Hey girl! Sorry I’ve been a bad blog follower lately. I loved hubby’s take on Marfan, and can’t believe you have a one-year-old. Time flies!

    Anyway, yes! I HAVE had a custom brace made! I have a 27-degree s-curve. I had a brace that twisted me the opposite direction that I wore at night through junior high and high school. Good times. Now I just have chronic back pain. More good times.

    Anyway, my brace was Blues. He was blue. So creative, I know. But, he was my buddy. I actually liked the brace-making process. Like a free spa treatment! 🙂

  9. Jordan

    Only suggestion I could come up with is Bruce. Bruce Brace? Has a nice ring to it 🙂
    I’m dying to know how many funny looks you got while taking those pictures! I bet it was priceless!

  10. mom

    I prefer Jack as in Jack Sparrow (or Johnny for that matter).
    The pictures are great, especially the ones with Menininho.

  11. Kate

    Maya, you are too much! I have been following your blog since you added it to Facebook! I love reading what you have to say! I think this may be my favorite post ever though! You have such a wonderful positive spin to things! I vote for “The Situation” I laughed out loud when I read that! Hope all is well in California! 🙂

  12. I second your mom – I like Jack Sparrow. Yum.

    This post absolutely made my day – I would’ve loved to see what the passers-by thought of your photo shoot! 🙂

  13. How about Mr. Squeezy?

    Happy SITS Saturday!

  14. Kari's mom--Michelle

    You are one odd puppy. I laughed at the pictures. I can’t come up with a name as my mind is racing thinking of the fun you had and wondering about observers.

    You are a blessing to us all.

  15. maranda

    i were a brace too! i never thought of making my brace as something funny! i hate wearing it but i know it wil help me! i hope to get it off before i go to high school!

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